My entire life I have unknowingly practiced the state of imperturbability. I do not allow myself to appear vulnerable and I definitely do not share any intrusively, negative thoughts with anyone – including myself. I like to behave as if everything is fine, all of the time; even if there are things weighing heavy on my heart.
Several times throughout my life I have stopped myself from praying about a certain issue simply because I felt guilty complaining to God, knowing He has given me so much. I am so infinitely blessed that I feel as if my complaints are trivial.
My friends and family would describe me as happy-go-lucky with an extremely, positive attitude and would consider my personality strong-willed and independent. I tend to deal with any affair through my own, positive inner-voice or by convincing myself that it’s not an issue by focusing on other things. I definitely never share these thoughts or feelings with anyone. I never want to be a burden or fill anyones ear with something that may or may not be bothering me the next day. I have also always felt that strangers conversing about their troubles is absurd. Right or wrong, that’s how I feel.
However, just because I do not want to speak these words aloud does not mean that I should keep them hidden from God. He knows everything that is going on in our lives and if we choose to hide certain issues from ourselves, we are choosing to hide them from Him, as well.
I read an amazing passage today, it read:
” Perhaps the real lesson to be learned from this psalm is that there is nothing you can’t express to God. God is ready to hear our complaints. He wants to know what is on our hearts – even if it isn’t all that pretty. “
We must stay true to ourselves. By doing that, we must realize that admittance is a significant factor. Admitting that something is bothering us, especially for someone like me, is extremely hard. However, this is the first step. Sit alone, in silence, dig deep into your soul and ask yourself, “is there anything upsetting me right now that I am overlooking or trying to bury?”. If there is, talk with God about it, ask for guidance and then talk to yourself about it.